I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
