I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
high people should be assigned attendants
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
