I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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