found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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