I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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