I am puke
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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