He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
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She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
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A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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