how can u be prego again
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
