So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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