He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I could make wine with my vomit
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
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