Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
