Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
