Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
