He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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