I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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