she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
