So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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