It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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