one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
