I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
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the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
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You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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