I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
