Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
