Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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