You smell like a Billy Joel song
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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