Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
