Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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