tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
