Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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