im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
