I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
