you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
