I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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