me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
