she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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