So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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