My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
