it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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