Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
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Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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