Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
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