I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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