dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
