She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
