Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
