your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
