i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
She's JV to your varsity
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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