I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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