Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Someone shattered a urinal.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
