well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
