Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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