So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
