so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
