it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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