I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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