is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
