I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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