i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize