they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize