Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
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Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.