based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
