I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Just pee around me
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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