my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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