the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize