my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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