The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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