Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
