There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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