We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize