You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
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She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
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Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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