I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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