we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Randomize
