If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
People in love make me want to vomit
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
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I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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